Barrayar

With this act, I bring one death into the world.

That quote has been circling in my head since early in my pregnancy. It's something I've been trying to come to terms with, but I'm not sure I ever really will. We created a life. A whole entire life. And it's quickly going to get beyond our control.

Thanks to this quote, I've been pulled to re-read this book for months now. It took me a while to get around to it. It always does. My stack of books is big enough that months often pass between me deciding to read something and actually reading it. Sometimes years.

In this case, the delay ended up working out well. I re-read Barrayar when I was just about 5 months pregnant, which is how pregnant Cordelia is when the attempt on Aral's life throws everything into chaos and her fetus is transplanted to a uterine replicator with slim hope for survival.

It's not often that you get a science-fiction book about pregnancy. I can't think of any others off the top of my head. Science-fiction tends to be viewed as a man's genre, so women's issues are mostly glossed over or ignored entirely. All that means is that I'm even more strongly attached to this book. It's hit home more than anything else I've read lately, and on this re-read I was even more drawn to Cordelia's musings about pregnancy, childbirth, and family. Sure, there's an exciting coup going on as well, but that felt like background to the main story.

I may yet read this again before I give birth, and I'm actually considering packing it in my hospital bag. If only to remind myself that if Alys Vorpatril can make it through Ivan's birth, I can make it through the birth of my kid.

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